The Other Side of Me

I’ve never been so stressed about school before. 
Eclub camp starts in 1h,
powerpoints corrupted,
tons of history notes to zap and read,
essays to write,
tests to study for,
things to remember.

I SWEAR I CANNOT BREATHE ): 

i need sleep,
i need HAPPY FOOD,
i need HAPPY PLACES TO GO TO,
i need HAPPY COMPANY,
i need TO SLEEP ): ): ):

so tired of school,
GAHHHHHHHHH,

I HATE SCHOOL. fullstop.  

how i wish i can travel overseas now, was talking about it during break that day, haha i wanna go to so many places in the world! Like go back to taiwan, and travel round australia, and europe, and like go to timbuktu and die there. ): 

But anyhows, thank you guys for keeping me sane, finally got to meet up with my pals after so long, over the past few weeks! Shit, and im missing them all over again ): 

sleep is the best escape.

Tagged by caroline to do this (: 

You are required to answer ALL the following questions.
Tag 16 people and repost it with the title:
I’ve done — out of the 132 stupid things.

99/132 means you scored a distinction for doing stupid things! (although that’s not really an achievement hahaha)

Level 1
(x) Smoked A Cigarette
() Smoked A Cigar
(x) Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex
(x) Drank Alcohol (black russian’s still the bomb)

SO FAR: 3

Level 2
(x) Fall In Love with non living thing (my stufftoy!)
() Been Dumped
(x) Shoplifted
( ) Been Fired
() Been In A Fist Fight

SO FAR: 5

Level 4
(x) Had A Crush On An Older Person
(x) Skipped School
( ) Slept With A Co-worker
(x) Seen Someone / Something Die

SO FAR: 8

Level 5
(x) Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your Facebook Friends
( ) Been To Paris (would love love LOVE to)
( ) Been To Spain
(x) Been On A Plane
() Thrown Up From Drinking

SO FAR: 10

Level 6
(x) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been Snowboarding/Skiing
(x) Met Someone BECAUSE Of Facebook (Friendster counts.)
() Been in a Mosh Pit

SO FAR: 12

Level 7
(x) Been In An Abusive Relationship
(x) Taken Pain Killers
(x) Love/loved Someone Who You Cant Have 
(x) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
( ) Made A Snow Angel 

SO FAR: 16

Level 8
(x) Had A Tea Party
() Flown A Kite (wish i did! ):)
(x) Built A Sand Castle
(x) Gone mudding
(x) Played Dress Up

SO FAR: 20

Level 9
(x) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves (worms crawling down my butt..)
( ) Gone Sledging
(x) Cheated While Playing A Game (haha always try not to but very hard!)
(x) Been Lonely ]:
(x) Fallen Asleep At Work / School

SO FAR: 24

Level 10
(x) Watched The Sun Set
(x) Felt An Earthquake (HAHA TAIWAN! stimulation counted?!)
( ) Killed A Snake

SO FAR: 26

Level 11
(x) Been Tickled
(x) Been Robbed / Vandalized (Sec 3 OBS, the one dot two dot retarded game)
() Been cheated on
(x) Been Misunderstood

SO FAR: 29

Level 12
(x) Won A Contest
( ) Been Suspended From School
() Had Detention (i’m a good kid HAHA)
() Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident

SO FAR: 30

Level 13
( ) Had / Have Braces
(x) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) Danced in the moonlight

SO FAR: 32

Level 14
(x) Hated The Way You Look
(x) Witnessed A Crime
(x) Pole Danced
(x) Questioned Your Heart
(x) Been obsessed with post-it-notes (AM STILL OBSESSED WITH IT!)

SO FAR: 37

Level 15
(x) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud
(x) Been Lost
( ) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World
(x) Swam In The Ocean
(x) Felt Like You Were Dying

SO FAR: 41

Level 16
(x) Cried Yourself To Sleep
(x) Played Cops And Robbers
(x) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers (i <3 crayolas)
(x) Sang Karaoke
(x) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins

SO FAR: 46

Level 17
(x) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn’t
(x) Made a Prank Phone Call
(x ) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose
(x ) Kissed In The Rain

SO FAR: 50

Level 18
(x ) Written A Letter To Santa Claus
(x) Watched The Sun Set/ sun rise With Someone You Care/Cared About (: (: (: 
(x) Blown Bubbles
(x) Made A Bonfire On The Beach or anywhere

SO FAR: 54

Level 19
(x) Crashed A Party
(x) Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People (bus full counted?!)
(x) Gone Rollerskating / Blading
(x) Had A Wish Come True
( ) Been Humped By A Monkey (WTF)

SO FAR: 58

Level 20
(x ) Worn Pearls
(x) Jumped Off A Bridge
(x) Swore at the teacher, in front of them
(x) Swam With Dolphins

SO FAR: 62

Level 22
(x) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/ice Cube
() Kissed A Fish
(x) Worn The Opposite Sex’s Clothes
(x) Sat On A Roof Top

SO FAR: 65

Level 23
(x) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs
(x) Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel
(x)Talked On The Phone For More Than 6 Hours
(x) Recently stayed Up for a while talking to someone you care about (few weeks ago counted as recently eh)

SO FAR: 69

Level 24
(x) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree
(x) Climbed A Tree
(x) Had/Been In A Tree House.
(x) Been scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone

SO FAR: 73

Level 25
(x) Believed In Ghosts (and am scared of them :/)
() Have had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes
(x) Gone Streaking
( ) Visited Jail

SO FAR: 75

Level 26
(x) Played Chickenx
(x) Been Pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(x) Been Told You’re Hot By A Complete Stranger
() Broken A Bone
(x) Been Easily Amused

SO FAR: 79

Level 27
() Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later
( ) Made A Porn Video
(x)Caught A Butterfly
(x)Laughed So Hard You Cried
(x)Cried So Hard You Laughed

SO FAR: 82

Level 28
(x) Mooned/Flashed Someone
(x) Had Someone Moon/Flash You
(x) Cheated On A Test
(x) Forgotten Someone’s Name
(x ) French Braided Someones Hair
(x) Gone Skinny Dipping
() Been Kicked Out Of Your House
(x ) Tried to hurt yourself

SO FAR: 89

Level 29
(x) Rode A Roller Coaster
( ) Went Scuba-Diving/Snorkeling
(x) Had A Cavity
(x) Black-Mailed Someone
(x) Been Black Mailed

SO FAR: 93

Level 31
(x) Been Used
(x) Fell Going Up The Stairs
( ) Licked A Cat
(x) Bitten Someone
(x) Licked Someone

SO FAR: 97

Level 32
( ) Been shot at/or at gunpoint
( ) Had sex in the rain
(x) Flattened someones tires
() Rode your car/truck until the gas light came on
( ) Got five dollars or less worth of gas

SO FAR: 98

98 what the shit. 99’s the distinction boo. looks like i’ve havent done enough stupid things to be considered stupid! ):

i’m confused,
but i know the heart never lies.

Everyone wants someone to trust them,
but most of the time they aren’t willing to give that trust.

So if we go around building these walls around us,
then won’t the world be such an unhappy place to live in?

I’m irritated. :/
Sometimes i think people jump into conclusions too fast, without even finding out what exactly happened. And then they start judging on who you are as a person on the whole, based on the pathetic situation. And it’s true, judgements do come with age. When you see a 3 year old kid throwing a tantrum at the candy shop, you’d be thinking like “aw it’s just a small kid”, but if you see someone 18 doing that, it’d be more on the line of “what a brat. immature shit”. 

Same goes for relationships, 
many people break up or lose their friend based on the situation,
and more often then not,
fail to focus on the relationship, what they’ve been through and all.

And so i say,
life is a sad affair. And it gets very much worse with age.

To the point that sometimes, people just need to wear that mask around because they don’t really have a choice anymore.

It’s been quite a while since i last blogged, sorry to those who keep checking back to find the same post over and over again :P haha, life’s really taking it’s toll, so many shit to do. and i’ve been coming home so late everyday also, the minute i step home, i just collapse, it’s really shit. No time to come online, no energy to do work. HAHA. i swear my bed is my new best pal. ): 

And then all these tiredness just adds up and adds up, until last thursday it was the ultimate. Fever + flu + pleghmy throat + no voice. Nearly died at home man, but i pulled myself together and started making all the vday presents. And then friday, went to the polyclinic for the 1st time in my entire life (OMG thanks peiyi). it’s SO CHEAP i cannot imagine. Been paying $30++ all my life to see the doctor, and now the polyclinic’s actually charging my $6.50?!?! that’s like 1/5 the price know! (: (:  

To make things worse. My craps today nearly killed me. I woke up at 5.30am, got ready for school. Then i realised i cannot walk properly, and i was so tired i just like fell on my bed after messaging people to tell them im not going to school, and slept all the way till 11.30am. Best. It’s like my body is adjusting to some sort of shit again. The last time my cramps was this pain was like in sec3 after i ate the “delay your mens” pill for OBS and my mens got delayed 2 weeks. When it finally came it was like 2 weeks worth of mens + more. CRAZY i swear, that was the “clutch on to your tummy and squat on the floor” kind of pain. And i think my classmates don’t believe it :| which sucks cause i’m just like a ponner in their eyes. I’m trying my best not to pon school already! but sick what to do right, sigh. ): So this time round, im suspecting my hormones are adjusting to something different, and it really gotta do with the people you hang out with. Do you know that when 2 girls spend almost all their time together, their hormones will like infuse or something and they’d come their period together? (: yeah, so this time round, my body’s adjusting and adjusting to like the different hormone reactions around me. 

VALENTINES DAY!! (: (: (: was boring. i seriously miss SA’s friendship week and crescent’s hearts in the air! ): wonder if they still did it this year. The whole school was filled with so much vibes la, it’s so different from tj’s. where valentines’ was practically non-existant. I felt like a goon distributing sweets. HAHA. but it’s okay, valentines’ day once a year, share the love la huh! (: goshhhhh i miss all the balloons flying everywhere, the foil type that went for $7 and the rubber hearts that we sold for $2. AND me and kailing would go and suck the helium from the balloon pump and sound like hamsters! so funny. i really miss crescent D: went on a cat high school tour on friday, and surprise surprise it was so nostalgic i dont know why, made me miss crecsent even more ): 

and since everyone’s asking me how the actually day itself went, the actual valentines’ day itself was.. HMMMMM. (: (: (: (: (: shan’t say anything about it here, but yes, it was special. And i really enjoyed your company and the funny little surprises (which i totally figured and screwed it up). Thank you. (:

/edit: im suffering from an inferiority complex. feel like such a loser after reading people’s blogs. feel like im not good enough. especially yours, boo. ):

Haha yes that was the theme for MAAD day yesterday (: gosh i love visiting weird and funky places, makes me feel fuzzy all over, and i really really appreciate the hard work put in to create those cutesy stuff that i really want to buy! (but my pocket doesnt allow me to). In case you’re wondering what’s MAAD, check out www.maad.sg. Thanks vibs for the cool recomendation! (: pokxy and i had hell loads of fun down there, just splurging like crazy. And we had our termly-fix of TANGYUAN <3 <3 <3 gosh i seriously love amoy street’s tangyuan and desserts, it’s the bomb. But that place’s quite inaccessible so it’s a little hard for us to go down at times. The best part’s just the great company, because i haven’t seen pokxy for soooooo long ): pity we didnt bring any cameras along, haha if not we’d be doing what girls always do – camwhoring! 

Anyways, the namecards and stickers and chops i “collected” at the MAAD day yesterday kindda inspired me to do something, just hope that it’d turn out nice! 

It’s weird because i never really found the time, to do like handicraft stuff (apart from my organiser which took like 3h already) and there are so many things that i wanted to do for people which i kindda procrastinated on doing, which leaves me in regret now. 

I was looking through the messages in my phone, and tears were rolling down my face. Then i decided to go read a book and then i couldn’t stop tearing either. Then i came online, and i’m still haunted by the memories.

Why must leonard die? ): He didn’t need to, you know. He didn’t have to. 

040209 

you’ll live in my heart, forever.

I’m sorry for taking so long, for not being ready to open up and let go of all my fears and insecurities. Swear i was overwhelmed at the start, but gradually, bit by bit over these past few days, the feeling’s starting to seep in, creep up to me and take me by surprise. I never knew where it came from, nor how it ended up where it is now, and neither do i know where it had been hiding these past few days. And just as i was thinking about the whole issue just now, reached a certain epiphany, and all i can say, is that i’m slowly slowly accepting the fact, and i’m really thankful for all that has happened, so far. (:  

we’ll take it slow yea, one step at a time. (5 way communication wth, and i just said take it slow!)

Anyhows, i was feeling so overwhelmed just now i think i could just break down and cry. The phone calls, pokxy’s blog and all, oh man. I really really miss them a lot, and i hope all goes well. It really ain’t easy to go through that alone, i dont know how it feels, and i can never find the right things to say, which sucks big time. ): i really hope all goes well with them man. Praying for a miracle or something.

And then, i felt so betrayed just now. I really dont know what to do. This sucks too. ): After all that we’ve went through, and then things had to happen. Oh man, learning experience of some sort i guess.

And while walking home just now, i’ve reached another epiphany, that everything really does happen for a reason. If i stayed in SA (which isn’t top 5), then there’d have been no chance for me to meet everyone from TIP, and from DALI. And i wouldn’t have had so much fun with my roomies, and you know, i basically won’t be able to go on this experience of a lifetime. (: and of course, i wouldn’t have been able to meet angel, 31/08, and the bod shopping gang, and like learnt how to deal with so many issues all at one go. I’ve grown, more or less. But if i could, i’d have chose to stay with a05 ): you guys are the most bonded class i’ve ever had man. ):

Orientation tomorrow. I’m station master la. shit. and my station involves FLOUR. all the best to me and my black fbts (: 

P.S This post makes no sense.