#130 Things aren’t going right

The title says everything. So much to do, so little time. So many things awaiting to happen, yet not happening. So many things not wanting to happen, yet happening. Well, firstly, been hearing not so good news about an illness of a friend of mine again, and then, hearing news about tb. Period’s overdue by 2 weeks, always feeling like fainting at least twice a day since last week, and my pleghm has blood. My mummy was saying that i might have diabetes, and after checking the symptoms, it might be true. Just that i’ve no guts to go to the doctors, in case i find out more stuff which i dont exactly want to know right now. Been reading blogs, but somehow everyone around seems to be very emo and contemplative about life. A lot to express over the past few days, but can’t find the time to come online, and reading emo blogs makes me cry, and sets me thinking about what lies ahead.

And i’m afraid, because these days, just one sentence, just one word, can change your life.

Heard this song on the bus today, never realised i had it in my poddy. Well, felt the tears roll down my face, then i wiped it off and stared at the sky. and just stoned into space. Tried to think about life, but i didn’t know where to start. It’s like a huge bunch of mess. 

Shall take each day as it comes, easy to say, hard to do. Just need the cold night breeze, a treehouse, the whispering of sweet nothings into my ear, warm cuddles, and just a hand over my shoulder, someone to watch the stars with me and tell me that everything will be alright. 

Blake Shelton – Austin

She left without leavin’ a number 
Said she needed to clear her mind 
He figured she’d gone back to Austin 
‘Cause she talked about it all the time 
It was almost a year before she called him up 
Three rings and an answering machine is what she got 

If you’re callin’ ’bout the car I sold it 
If this is Tuesday night I’m bowling 
If you’ve got somethin’ to sell, you’re wastin’ your time, I’m not buyin’ 
If it’s anybody else, wait for the tone, 
You know what to do 
And P.S. if this is Austin, I still love you 

The telephone fell to the counter 
She heard but she couldn’t believe 
What kind of man would hang on that long 
What kind of love that must be 
She waited three days, and then she tried again 
She didn’t know what she’d say, 
But she heard three rings and then 

If it’s Friday night I’m at the ballgame 
And first thing Saturday, if it don’t rain 
I’m headed out to the lake 
And I’ll be gone, all weekend long 
But I’ll call you back when I get home 
On Sunday afternoon 
And P.S. If this is Austin, I still love you 

Well, this time she left her number 
But not another word 
Then she waited by the phone on Sunday evenin’ 
And this is what he heard 

If you’re callin’ ’bout my heart 
It’s still yours 
I should’ve listened to it a little more 
Then it wouldn’t have taken me so long to know where I belong 
And by the way, boy, this is no machine you’re talkin’ to 
Can’t you tell, this is Austin, and I still love you 

 

I still love you. Thanks for all the wonderful memories these past 3 months. 

#129 Those who wish to sing, will always find a song.

1. Just feel like curling up and crying because there’s nothing much i can do about the situations in my life now. Someone dear is starting stage 5 chemo, one of my besties might get tubercolosis which is air-borne(and is deadly) :(, and then i sort of got told to look up someone’s wife and kid if he is gone. The thing is, i don’t want him to be gone. I dont want any of them to be gone. It doesnt help that the straits times these days keep showing this lifebeforedeath.sg website, teaching you how to die well. Why not just abolish dying, if only god could do that. 

2. Eclub on wednesday: chionged out this whole slide about innovation and creativity with kenneth, only to realise that we didn’t have much time to present -.- then boardies went to ikea for dinner! omg love the chocolate mousse and cheesecake! (: (: (: 

3. FREE CONE DAY! :D :D :D went with peiyi first, then so glad to have met my study buddies after soooooo long, a year! (: (: realised a lot of us havent been updated about a lot of stuffs. had a really good time catching up and queuing for ice cream. think im growing fat la, i had 4 rounds of free cone! (: haha and we totally paid for one scoop just so we could sit inside, quite dumb. but worth it (: love my study buddies to bits!! :D can’t wait to see them again soon, all of them grew like prettier from crescent days man! think im the only one who didnt change, and that sucks. haha.

 

STUDY BUDDIES <3 (minus gen that ass HAHA)

4. hands ache like crap, ache from within. thousands of mozzy bites and back pain. and headache. and a bit feverish. i think i have dengue. :/

5. something isn’t right.

6. met sylvia last thursday! :D :D :D haven’t seen her for like a gazillion years, since our last a05 outing which was in june i think. caught up, laughed a lot, and had so much fun! (: love meeting my pals after school to catch up on each other’s lives, and yup, just destress and shop shop shop! :D 

something really screwed up about the gallery, it’s like adding the study buds pics again?!? but anyway, the jigsaw puzzle was something i made for sylvia for her bday! hahaha she was so blur because it’s like her first time fixing jigsaw puzzles! and its a message but there’s no original design, so she didn’t know where to start. quite funny (: 

7. sorry clown for not being able to stay over tomorrow! ): went out ith clown last saturday. shopped like some mad woman la, except that the weather made me a bit fainty, kindda wanted to die. and faint on the spot or something. bought cheap dresses! haha im a happy kid (: 

8. if this sunday was a full dali outing, it’d be so fun (: 

9. TAIWAN PRESENTATION TOMORROW! (: (: but come to think of it, quite scary cause we didn’t prepare AT ALL. oh well, just the thought of sharing bout taiwan to the j1s makes me excited. was still having a mini four walls session today (with daphne minus weihui), we made so much noise in the library just trying to figure out how we can actually go back at the end of the year! i dont mind organising it la (: just scared that i get very irritated with those who want to go, dont want to go, last minute nonsense. we were thinking of like not staying in taipei only, but move around the whole country, but it’s like if we do that, it’s quite impossible to do it free & easy, and that’d mean we have to have a travel agent. which kindda spoils the fun of it somehow. ): sigh, really really complicated. think i’d most probably have to find out the details, and mass email to see what those out of the 80 of us who want to go back think. its really complicated, but just the thought of travelling alone makes me so excited! (: 

10. think i made a right choice listening to my heart this time round, and not let the external influences sway me. been thinking about it for the past few days, and yup, no regret (: glad we sorted it out. 

11. can’t wait for the labour day weekend, it’s like ponning school without exactly ponning! exciting exciting (: (: family had plans to go malaysia to stock up on tidbits, KINDER JOY (so much cheaper there), and bubble gum! (: and finally eating my salad you tiao again. (: love it ttm. 

12. hope the bday surprise we are planning out will turn out to be successful! damn scary. can’t believe i called my teacher’s mother just now and tried conversing in teochew. now i know how bad my teochew sounds, even when i hear myself i want to laugh. haha to think my grandma and grandpa keep saying i got hokkien accent. now it know why. i sound horrible. fullstop. 

13. i need a happy period ):

＃128 Drained.

I need some space to breathe.
and a comfy bed to sleep. 
(and i dont need bitches haunting me) 

#127 Oh no, it’s the IMT syndrome again.

This is the 3rd time i’m blogging within the past 2h. 

Was at yangsheng’s blog, saw this advert that he saw in taiwan, and i totally miss taiwan so much ): then i went to read linky winky’s blog, and saw that he misses taiwan too. ): it’s like (almost) everyone misses taiwan. ): was talking to martin today about “going back to taiwan at the end of the year” plans. gonna like mass email everyone when the air ticket prices are comfirmed, and then give them options like:

do you prefer to go
(a) this date to this date
(b) this date to this date
(c) this date to this date

and do you prefer to stay 
(a) this place
(b) this place
(c) this place

and do you prefer to take
(a) this airline, price
(b) this airline, price.

blah, you get what i mean la huh. majority wins! and hopefully we’d be able to go back, and i can wear the dali uniform once more. i know it’s weird, but i feel more for dali than for tj. haha. gahhhhh oh man oh man! ): who cares if we go back for only 5 days or something, at least can shop and enjoy cold air. love the air in taiwan, singapore is so hot. and then a few days back, kelmen was dancing the “flower” dance. HAHA :D and sylvia and mou are contacting thru email! ): my buddy doesn’t reply emails, but its okay because she loves to call my mother and talk random nonsense with her! (: 

here’s the video (in hokkien but with chinese subs). It’s talking about the seasons, and how the postal service is with the people all the way, very very cool.

Protected: #126 Listen.

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#125 If I were Andy Warhol..

  

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARTIN! :D

my very first attempt at scrapbooking on a proper scrapbooking paper. thought of the idea for quite some time, but could only actually find the time to do it in school yesterday, in like 50min x 3 periods = 2h?!?
(thought it was quite shitty though) ]:
This scrapbook along with 6 more other things, hope you like the 18 stuffs yesterday! Finally, can’t wait for the day i’m legal to drive, buy 4d, drink, club, smoke (though the last 3 do before HAHA). Legal just makes it more fun (: 

 

school drains the shit out of you. hate it. 
27 more weeks to the end of school [; 

 

p.s on the other hand, i’m quite excited for our very own eclub training starting from tomorrow. hope it’d all go well and everything be fun fun fun! 

#124 Public Holiday (not)

1. My Lord, he died for a kingdom,
to redeem the hearts of men.
Now, you people don’t you weep,
he has risen from his sleep,
he lives again, alleluia.

Sing alleluia, the lord is risen,
he is risen indeed, alleluia.

(one of my favourite easter hymns and they sang it today together with many many other nice hymns!) (:  

2. I think i’m becoming a more religious person. HAHA okay maybe not. (looking at what happened on good friday *stares at someone*) Every year, this has to be one of the busiest weekends EVER, public holiday is not public holiday la! But surprisingly, it’s the most relaxing, refreshing and enriching weekend in my entire life. Was really really looking forward to it, especially thursday night! (: Could be said to be the time when i reflect on everything, and fully emerge myself into the whole experience. Grew so much more spiritually, learnt so much more this easter triduum. Especially this year, don’t know why, the words just HIT right in the face, for every mass that i attended. (i’m beginning to see the light, good thing eh). This shows that i’m a very retarded learner, takes 3 years before i can get it. 

(okay most people probably won’t know what i’m talking about) 

 Maundy Thursday: Mass with washing of feet (homily was good) and then the procession thingy, and then visitation all around singapore’s churches. Left st anne’s went to christ the king, realised we had no time, went to sacred heart and then cathedral and finally spp. It was different doing it this year without rciy, but this year was special in a way that i went with someone else. Discovered plenty much, and thank you for knocking some sense into me (: Met plenty of different groups of people doing different things at different churches. Some doing stations, some choir went to cathedral and started randomly singing there. It was fun, shall try something new next year! (: Reached home in the morning, didnt sleep much, and then had to crawl up again for good friday service.

Good friday: Stations and then service. Stations was super duperly touching this year i don’t know why, maybe it’s cause they used a different version because i dont remember stations being like this before. Can’t believe the girl in front of me cried. Just love the familiarity of the church, and how each move acutally means so much, signifies so much. Really love the feeling where it’s like no matter where i am, which church i attend whatever at, it’s the same. And that’s what that truly makes me feel like home. Was in stanne’s from like 11am till 6pm?!?! Longest time spent EVER. So sorry to everyone, especially CS for not being able to make it to the outing ): felt really bad. i promise the next one we organise will be a success!
thank god i didn’t die of hunger on friday man.  

Holy Saturday: My mother didnt allow me to go for vigil dammit. I never miss vigil ever in my life can. ): It’s the most beautiful shit ever. dammit. ): may all the newly baptised at rciy grow stronger spiritually each day.

Easter sunday: loved the deco. and the songs. and basically just about everything. (: and i saw mel today! really really surprising because i havent met her for like, 500 years?!? haha and news spreads very fast oh man. hope you’re having fun doing psychology and dont stress too! you made me miss rciy more ): 

there, eventful holy week. 

3. DBS CEO died. i really hope that you’d stay positive no matter what. 
your will is yours.
impossible is nothing.
(something this triduum taught me) 

4. to a special someone: may your hands not hurt too much from ringing the bells, and doing the incense, and holding the cross for veneration, and just basically from everything. please go and rest plenty, after being in church for like what, every single mass? to the extent that you can camp there already la! HAHA. and dont stress over the servers not showing up for duty and not knowing what to do (countless practices did help!) and thanks for the many many things that you’ve taught me over this week (whether you know it or not) the few phrases that you said, just kept ringing constantly in my head. 

5. was at starbucks today, saw this really nice painting that said
“We all need some time to ourselves - just a few minutes a day to get reacquainted with the one who’s been there since the beginning.”
So here I am lost in thought, having conversations alone, getting back in touch with the one i’ve always known. And hopefully that someone i’ve always known is still there. 

6. PW was a horror. But someone said this to me on saturday, and that is
“the strongest and most respectable people are not those who succeed, but those who fall, and know how to pick themselves up. It’s best if you not only can pick yourself up, but bounce right up.”
and that, 
makes a lot of sense.  

7. when people dont get what they want, after trying very hard, the feeling turns to resentment. sometimes, some things in the world dont act the way you want it to be. and i guess after so long, i’m ready to forgive and listen to what you have to say again. and this time i wont pretend im listening, but brush it off in my mind. but rather, wholeheartedly listen, and i hope you do the same for me to. whoever said communication is the key, should be the next albert einstein. 

8. tomorrow is going to be a mad mad day. 

#123 Four Hi-5!

Things that make me pissed: 

1) People who refuse to co-operate
2) People who have minus infinity EQ (so what if you’ve high IQ)
3) People who think they rule the world (and boss everyone around)
4) People who like to probe into other people’s lives EXCESSIVELY (if there’s something i want to tell you, i will tell you)
5) People who don’t spare a thought for others
6) People who do not care for the feelings of others (or rather, don’t bother to)
7) People who like to show off and put others down
8) People who do not keep to their promises and neglect their responsibility
9) Running out of carrot juice D:

it’s weird how i suddenly have something against people. about to burst but i shall hang on a bit longer. it’s holy week yo. dammit. i wanna go for cs lunch on (good) friday D: 

P.S Loved the sunset on the way home today. the sky was beyond orange. Love it. 

OMG how the hell do you rotate this?!?! Anw, i love spending time with lala (: 

Shokudo + Shopping + talking nonsense and updating + exchanging secret info (HAHA) is probably one of the best ways to destress. (: 

WEDNESDAY TOMORROW
*freaks out*
D:
D:
D:

#122 Lame Quiz

Answer True or False

Q: Kissed someone on your friends list? Yes
Q: Been arrested? Nope
Q: Do you like someone? Like isn’t the word.
Q: Held a snake? Yup at sentosa, i&e camp 2 years ago (: 
Q: Been suspended from school? Nope, dont jinx it! 
Q: Sang karaoke? Yup
Q: Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t do? All the time
Q: Laughed until you started crying? OMG ALL THE TIME
Q: Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Singapore doesn’t snow yo.
Q: Kissed in the rain? HAHA yeah
Q: Sang in the shower? Love doing it
Q: Sat on a roof top? Yup yup (: would love to sit on a slopy roof top though
Q: Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Luckily not
Q: Broken a bone? Nope
Q: Shaved your head? Want to! But stupid sch doesn’t allow. Hair for hope! 
Q: Played a prank on someone? YES YES YES
Q: Shot a gun? Water gun (: 
Q: Donated Blood? Yup! 

LAST PERSON.

1. You hung out with? Martin
2. You texted? Ms Wong
3. You were in a car with? My mum and dad and sis (this morning on the way to the bus stop to school)
4. Went to the movies with? Shopaholic! That’s for me to know, and for you to find out (: 
5. Person you went to shop with? Amanda
6. You talked on the phone? Peiyi (to see where she was) 
7. Made you laugh? Yang Sheng
8. You hugged? Peiyi

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY…

1. Sun or moon? Moon (and stars) but if i’m at sentosa, then sun. (: 
2. Winter or Fall? Fall! Orange leaves <3
3. Left or Right? Both
4. Sunny or rainy? Rainy (especially if im on a uber cold bus and have my poddy with me)
5. Where do you live? Under the sky
6. Club or pub? Club, simply for the dancing + drinks + people to stare at + nice toilets
7. Are there 1 or 2 people who you can always trust and rely on? Yup (but recently the number’s diminishing) ]:
8. Do you want to get married? Depends. If i dont die by then that is. (: 
9. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Twirl! 
10. What time is it? 9.20pm
11. Are you afraid of commitment? Nope
12. What is your greatest hope/wish? That i’d get 11 pages worth of obituary (don’t ask why)
13. Do you cook? Erm is 3min instant noodle counted? 
14. Current mood? Messed Up

IN THE LAST 48 HOURS HAVE YOU…

1. Kissed someone? Yup
2. Sang? Yup (at the hong kong cafe, so embarrassing) 
3. Listened to music? On the way to school this morning (: I’d die without my poddy
4. Danced? Can’t remember
5. Cried? Not yet
6. Liked someone you can’t? Nope

22 FIRSTS

1.Who was your first prom date? Girls’ school got no date yo
2. Who was your first roommate? Should be i&e camp in sec 2, wilin yuqi carina yuexi shimun amanda, basically i&e “juniors” la, what we were considered then.
3. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk the first time? Free flow of Chivas!
5. What was your first car? Erm Fisher Price toy car? 
6. When did you go to your first funeral and viewing? 2 days ago ): singapore casket
8. Who was your first grade teacher? Mrs Low! 
9. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane? Supposedly Phuket when i was a kid according to my mother, but i can’t really remember, so it’d be Bangkok for me!
10. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with? Cant remember ): 
11. Who was your first Best Friend? Hoho have to be Heng Yiwei! 
12. Who is your best friend? Best friend no. Best friends yes (: you guys know who you are. 
13. Where was your first sleepover? i&e camp? Pokxy’s house i think (keep going so often haha)
14. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? Depending on what type of bad day. Usually i’d meet up. Different people to tell different things to. 
15. Who’s wedding were you in the first time you were a Bridesmaid or groomsman? Ms tan’s! (: gosh i miss that day. 
16. What’s the first thing you did when you got up this morning? Sleepwalk out to the toilet to brush my teeth
19. First tattoo or piercing? Piercing
20. First celebrity crush? Don’t really have any. Has to be bryan wong, many many many years ago.
22. First crush? HAHA not telling. But we’re now friends (:

#121 Train of Thoughts

 

EClub Runners (:

1. ECLUB GOT GOLD FOR 4×100m FOR SPORTS DAY! :D :D :D :D :D yay yay yay yay yay! (: nearly thought we couldn’t make it, but all thanks to rachel for zooming past sc and hc and coming out first! haha it was really funny, because wan ting stood on the wrong line, and in the end she ran a bit more for my distance. but anyhows, eclub got gold!! :D :D yay now we’ve proven to the world that eclub can actually run too. It was really funny to hear the reactions on sports day, like “1st for 4×100m inter club/society girls.. entrepreneur club” and everyone went like HUH. Hello world, eclub can run too (: Shan’t mention it here, but through this whole event, finally saw through the superficiality of people. yups. my family was damn shocked when i came back with the medal, they didnt even know i took part la. I can see jaws dropping now. GOOD JOB GUYS (: im kindda in love with running now, finally understood what’s the adrenaline rush, minus the painful thighs. owww. 

Rachel and Peiyi rocks too, for getting sooo many trophies omg. Kept hearing their names getting called up. and gamma won cheer! :D :D :D 

2. Have you ever got the feeling that, you aren’t that important anymore. It kindda breaks my heart, to know that though i always think of myself needing to be there for that person, and i want to be there for that person, it isn’t the case in reality, because the person dont really care whether you exist. Sometimes it’s as though another person has come, and i was shoved aside, because whatever i do or say don’t have an impact, and doesn’t really matter anymore. It’s as though i wasnt needed, because that someone else can do a better job, and have a more important standing in your life. All i wanted was just to be there to comfort, and just being there for you. But now it seems, that it doesnt really matter whether i am there or not, because i dont really make a difference. May be over-sensitivity, that im feeling so unappreciated and tiny, whatever that is, superficiality is the word.

3. Hope that my bbutt is okay. ): 

4. Need to meet up with a lot of people over this month, especially lala, sylvia, mengmei, cloney (eh woman free cone day ah), steph!! (: (: (: 

5. Kindda spent more than the usual time in church today, felt a little more than different, good friday’s this friday (duh), cant wait for thursday night (visitation all around the world). and saturday’s vigil. and sunday. i love holy week (somehow). kindda miss rciy. and the people. and eating macs on the bus, trying very hard not to spill curry sauce all over the place. the 2am bus journeys home. hope everyone’s well and happy.

6. Regret and guilt are the two worst feelings EVER.